


Waving Through A Window

by igottoomuchwriting



Series: Dear Evan Hansen Rewrite [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Everybody Lives, M/M, Slow Burn, evan and connor ain't together yet but soon, not beta we die like men, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 05:31:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17616431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/igottoomuchwriting/pseuds/igottoomuchwriting
Summary: Evan first day of school, and even though it doesn't end the way he thought it would, it's still questionable





	Waving Through A Window

**Author's Note:**

> This is like a re-write of the musical, except happy? Connor lives, they date, yay!

The beginning of senior year. Evan couldn’t believe it. He has went through thirteen years of schooling, facing many hardships and now he is finally here. The year that people look forward to their whole life. Last games, last dances, last time entering the school. Evan had one more year of high school left. One more before he could…

He didn’t know what he would do. Looking forward too much into the future can trigger an anxiety attack. He doesn’t know if he will go to college because he doesn’t want to put too much of a burden on his mom, but he has to move out or he’s going to be the weird kid that lives at their mom’s house when they are older than eighteen. He could get a job and move out, but he doesn’t know how to pay bills, he doesn’t know how to talk people, he doesn’t know where he would go for a house, and if he ends up homeless he wouldn’t be able to go back to his mom because she would be disappointed, and if he lost his job he wouldn’t be able to ask money from her. If he moved out, he most likely wouldn’t be able to afford his medicine, and he wouldn’t be able to afford insurance or his counselor, so he would but stuck in a downward spiral--

This is why he doesn’t think about the future. He lives in the present and hopes for the best. He already has enough to worry about in the day, he doesn’t need to think about the next.

Evan walked off the bus, looking up at the school that has educated him and cause many panic attacks thought the past four years of his life. This was his last first day of high school. He knew that he should be excited, be happy like all of his classmates were, but he just can’t. He is way too afraid of the future that he can’t be excited about the last of anything.

Evan was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Jared walking towards him, pep in his step. Jared threw his arm over Evan’s shoulder, shocking the boy out of his anxiety-induced trace.

“Hey Evan!” he basically yelled. Evan flinched, scrunching his shoulders up as much as he could. He never really liked people touching him when he didn’t know it was coming, and he didn’t appreciate that Jared yelled in his ear.

“H-Hey Jared.” Jared stared pulling him in the direction of the front doors, forcing him to face the terror that his high school. Jared kept talking about his summer, talking about cute girls that hit him up and the colleges that wanted him for his programming skills. Evan just let him talk his heart out. This was a disguise so that his mom would pay for his car insurance, he knew that. Jared made sure that everyone knew that they were family-friends, not actual friends. Only friends by force.

“So, is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off too much or do you consider that and honor?” Evan snapped his head to Jared, stopping in the hallway.

“No, that… that’s not what happened, Jared!”

“Paint me the picture.” He continued walking down the hallway, leaving Evan to frantically pick up his speed to catch up. “You’re in your bedroom, Zoe Murphy’s Instagram pulled up on your weird off-brand cell phone--”

“That’s not what happened!” he frantickly spoke. “I was--obviously, I was climbing a tree and I fell.” They had arrived at Evan’s locker, and Evan quickly turned to his locker, opening it up to avoid eye contact with Jared.

“You fell? What are you, an acorn?” 

“N-No. It was, uh, I had an apprenticeship at the state park as a ranger. I’m considered a tree expert now, not to brag, but--” he turned to see if Jared was listening, and his face dropped a bit when he saw that Jared wasn’t listening. He looked to the side out of embarrassment as and saw Connor Murphy standing at his locker, just staring on the inside of it.

“Anyway, I uh, tried climbing a 40-foot tree--”

“And you fell?” There was amusement in his voice. Of course Jared would find this amusing. Who falls out of a 40-foot tree? It’s not  _ that  _ believable.

“See, the funny thing is that I laid there for 10 minutes, waiting for someone to come along and help me.” He was rambling now, feeding the story so that Jared believed it. He needs him to believe it, he can’t let Jared not believe something that happened. Of course he fell out of a tree, nothing else happened. It was an accident. “I just laid there thinking any minute now, someone would come along. Any minute, here they come.”

“Did they?” He seemed concerned. Evan laughed awkwardly and shook his head. 

“No. That’s the, uh, funny part,” he trailed off. Jared laughed.

“Jesus christ.” Trying to save the conversation, Evan asked about his summer. Jared starting ranting about his summer, how he got to ‘second-base down below’ with a girl from camp. 

Evan just listen while looking around the hallway. The number of students were thinning, as everyone was heading to their class. Evan still say Connor in the same position he was earlier, staring at the inside of his locker. 

He must not be feeling well.

“Do you wanna sign my cast?” Evan asked as soon as Jared was done. Jared stared at Evan with a look of surprise.

“Me?”

“Well,” he nervously rubbed his arm that wasn’t in a cast, “yeah, we’re friends.”

Jared stared at him for a few seconds before he started laughing. 

“We’re family friends, Evan. You know that’s a whole different thing.” He placed a hand between his shoulder blades and started guiding him down the hall. “Also, don’t forget to tell my mom that I was nice to you. I  _ really  _ don’t want to have to scrape up money for my insurance this month.” 

The duo heard a locker slam. They snapped their heads towards the noise, and Evan saw Connor looking down at the ground, clutching the strap to his satchel. 

“Hey Connor!” Jared drew out. Connor turned to look at them, eyebrow raised. He looks angry. “Love the new look! Very school shooter chic.”

Evan looked at his friend-- _ family  _ friend--in horror. Connor had turned completely towards them, glaring at Jared. Evan stepped away from Jared slightly, hoping he can avoid the teen’s gaze.

Jared looked nervous. “Hey, calm down, it was just a joke.”

“Oh yeah, funny joke. Can’t you see I’m laughing?” Connor snapped. Jared stared at him, silent, before scoffing and turning around. 

“God, you’re such a freak.” With that, he was gone. The only people left in the hallway now were Connor and Evan.

Evan looked up at Connor and saw that Connor was already looking him in the eyes, daring him to say anything. His palms started getting sweaty, and he looked down at the ground to avoid eye contact. Out of nervousness, Evan let out a small, weak laugh.

“Oh, you think this is funny?” Connor snapped. Evan snapped his eyes up, looking at Connor in horror.

“What-”

“You think this is all some joke?” He started walking towards Evan, loudly speaking as he did. “You think I’m a freak?”

“No-”

“Don’t  _ fucking  _ laugh at me!” Connor was in his face now. Evan stared up at him, thinking of what he could say to save the situation.

“I’m not laughing,” he mumbled.

Connor let out a chuckle. “Oh, you’re  _ not  _ laughing? Then what the fuck was that noise out of your mouth? Sounds like a fucking laugh to me.”

“Not at you!” Evan snapped. His eyes were back at the ground at this point, rubbing his hands together to calm down his nerves.

Connor said nothing. It was a few seconds before he took a step back, continuing to stare at Evan. Evan didn’t dare say anything, thinking that if he said anything else, he would ruin what he thinks he had fixed.

The bell that signified rang. Evan heard Connor curse, and he was gone. 

Evan leaned up against the lockers he was in front of, taking deep breaths to calm down the panic that was trying to rise inside.

What a  _ great  _ first day of school.

\---

Thankfully, Evan didn’t have a sixth period this year. It gave him a chance to relax at the end of school, and to finish anything he may have that is due so that he can just relax when he is home. Or at least, try.

Since it was the first day of school, he didn’t have any homework, but he did have to finish the letter to his therapist. He couldn’t go there without a letter, or else she would be worried. 

As soon as he hit the print button, his phone buzzed. He took his phone out of his pocket and saw a text from his mom.

_ From Mom: Hi honey! I have to work a late shift today at the hospital. Please remember to eat something. I love you! Xoxo _

Evan sighed and put his phone back in his pocket, not bothering to reply. He didn’t want to deal with that right now. He already missed first period because of his panic attack, and he wasn’t able to eat anything at lunch out of fear that Jared would try picking on Connor again.

“Is this yours?” Evan turned around to see Connor standing at the entrance of the computer lab, holding his letter in his hand. Evan’s heart dropped to his stomach. What was he doing here?

“Um, yeah,” Evan choked out. Connor nodded his head. 

It was silent for a few moments. Neither party knew what to say. 

Connor sighed. “Look, I’m uh, sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to freak out on you like that.” He rubbed the back of his neck with his hand that wasn’t holding the paper. “I was just uh, mad about your friend making those comments about-”

“Family friend,” Evan muttered under his breath, but it turns out Connor heard him. Anger flashed across his face for a split second, before going back to a neutral look.

“Right. Family friend. Anyway, I wanted to say I’m sorry for getting mad.” He looked down at the boys cast. He lazily motioned to it. “What happened to your arm?”

Evan glanced down at the cast. “Oh, uh, I fell. From a tree.”

“A tree?” Connor laughed. “If that isn’t the saddest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“I know,” Evan mumbled. Connor stared at the boy, concern on his face. 

“No one’s signed your cast.”

“Yeah?” Evan asked. 

“I’ll sign it.” What would the school think when Connor--the guy they all think is going to shoot up the school--is written on his cast? Honestly, he didn’t want to find out.

“Oh, you don’t have too..”

“Gotta sharpie?” To anxious to say no again, Evan pulled the sharpie he had out of his pocket and handed it to Connor. Connor grabbed his cast and pulled it towards him, making Evan wince out of pain. Connor spared a glance up before he started writing.

Once he pulled away, Evan could see ‘Connor” written in big, capital letters.

“Wow. Thanks,” he mumbled half-heartedly. Connor handed him back and pen while grabbing the handle of his satchel.

“Now we can both pretend we have friends.” Evan just stared at the boy, saying nothing. It wasn’t difficult to guess that Evan had no friends, but he didn’t want to be pitied. “Also, is this yours?” Connor held a piece of paper that Evan immediately recognized as his letter. “‘Dear Evan Hansen’. That’s you, right?”

“Yeah,” he hissed. “Can I just--”

“‘Because there’s Zoe’.” He brought his eyes off the paper, looking Evan in the eye. “Why are you writing about my sister?”

“I--”

“You knew I would find this,” he growled out. “You knew I would find this, and freak out, so then you could go around and tell everyone that I’m a freak!” Evan looked up at him in horror. 

“No! Thats--”

“Well have fun! You got what you wanted!” he yelled. Evan quickly took a step forward, trying to grab the note from Connor’s hands, but he took a step back. “Fuck you!”

“Connor!” He tried running past Evan, but Evan quickly grabbed the handle of his satchel, stopping Connor in his tracks. Connor took a few steps backwards so that he wouldn’t fall, while Evan flew forward. “It’s for my therapist!”

Evan stared at Connor’s back, face full of worry. Connor was breathing heavily--most likely from anger--but he wasn’t making any movement to try to leave again.

“...You’re therapist?” he whispered. Evan nodded his head.

“I know, it’s stupid, but she wants me to write these letters so that I have something to look back on when I have a happy day, and she thinks it will help me get my feelings in check since I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to, but it doesn’t really work because the letters just make me feel even more alone and I can’t handle it but she gets upset when I don’t do it and then tells my mom and if my mom finds out I’m not doing it she’ll be upset and I’m sorry, I’m rambling now, I’m sorry.” He let go of Connor and stepped back. He started playing with the bottom of his shirt, avoiding anything bad that could happen.

He sees a piece of paper block his vision from his hands. He looks up to see Connor holding the letter out to him, eyes facing the wall adjacent to them.

“Take it,” he mumbled. Evan quickly grabbed it out of his hands and folded it up, sticking it in his pocket. They sat in silence, neither knowing what to say after the other’s outburst.

“I’ve, uh, gotta get going,” Connor quickly mumbled. He looked up at Evan with guilt and anger in his eyes. “I uh, hope to see you around?”

“Uh, yeah,” Evan mumbled. Connor nodded his head before turning away, leaving the computer lab.

Evan watched him leave, clutching his arm where the boy’s name was written.

It seemed that maybe, he and Connor weren’t to different from each other.

**Author's Note:**

> As you see, there is more to be written. It is in the process! Please, do not worry. I am suddenly in the mood for DEH and will be writing that.
> 
> Come talk to me on Tumblr!: igottoomuchwriting


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